After bringing back Rush Hour, what series might Trump bring back next? | Action and adventure films

SUntil now, Donald Trump’s control of the media has involved much more stick than carrot. Thanks to a combination of revolutions and random legal threats, the powerful figures at the center of a rapidly integrating industry find themselves with no choice but to submit to the president’s every request. Unfortunately, what he’s asking for is Rush Hour 4.

Just a few days ago, this seemed like a bizarre overstep, like when Trump used a keynote speech at McDonald’s to demand more tartar sauce on Filet-O-Fish sandwiches. But in this case it actually happened. Trump told Paramount Skydance majority shareholder Larry Ellison that he wished someone would make Rush Hour 4, and now Rush Hour 4 is in production.

So we now find ourselves in a situation where the President of the United States is dictating what kind of movies should be made. The problem with this, of course, is that Trump has very bad taste in movies.

You already know this. What kind of person could look across the entire spectrum of cinema and decide that the thing worth making is Rush Hour 3, starring a 70-year-old Jackie Chan? Was there a third Rush Hour movie? who knows.

But other signs were there. One of Trump’s most beloved films is known to be the 1988 martial arts film “Bloodsport” by Jean-Claude Van Damme. Most famously, his favorite way to enjoy it involves forcing one of his sons to fast-forward during the show so he can watch the parts where people are getting kicked in the face. Then there’s also his criticism of Citizen Kane to consider, as he forgets all the things about the isolation of wealth and suggests that Charles Foster Kane should “get a different woman.”

Again, at the time this all seemed kind of silly. This guy seems to have filled the Oval Office with spray-painted home decor molds, so of course he has bad taste in movies. But now it has become abundantly clear that what Trump wants, Trump gets. In other words, get ready for the second coming of flawless action movies.

Trump’s endorsement of the Rush Hour series is already an indication that he only likes bad Jackie Chan movies. Not for him the hyper-kinetic ballets of Police Story or The Armor of God; He much prefers the ones in which Chan has to deliberately ignore himself before Western audiences munching on popcorn with their mouths open.

That means that now that Trump has Chan where he wants it, it’s only a matter of time before he demands a sequel to Shanghai Noon, the Western comedy he directed 25 years ago with Owen Wilson. And sure, technically there was already a sequel to it – the London-based Shanghai Knights – but that was too fictional. Forget this was ever made, make another kung-fu cowboy movie, by presidential decree.

Trump’s love of Bloodsport certainly means a Van Dammeissance is well deserved. Let’s have Timecop 2. Let’s have a second double effect where the Van Dam twins discover the secret trio. Let’s get Cyborg IV. Let’s get a fifth universal soldier. I realize the original was a Steven Seagal movie, but let’s make a sequel to 2002’s Half Past Dead starring Jean-Claude Van Damme. Let’s call it quarter to death. This is what the American people deserve.

Of course, this would only be the beginning of something Trump has been slowly putting together for some time. Remember last January, when Trump appointed Sylvester Stallone as a special ambassador to Hollywood? Do you think he did it because he truly believed Stallone had enough heft to encourage more film production in the United States? Or, I suspect, did he do it because he was desperate to see Tango & Cash 2 rushed into production?

It must be the last. You could run a million quantum computers for a decade, and they would all agree that, no matter how you look at it, Tango & Cash is Trump’s favorite Stallone movie. It’s not Rambo, because this series started with a lot of liberalism. It’s not Rocky, because that series started with the champion losing. No, it has to be Tango & Cash.

Like Trump, Tango & Cash dates back to the 1980s. Like Trump, he has a funny name. Like Trump, he was hated by critics, but loved enough by a bewilderingly large percentage of the population to turn a profit. Tango & Cash is everything Trump wants in a movie. She’s stupid. It’s violent. This hardly makes sense. No one has ever clamored for a Tango & Cash sequel, but mark my words, we’ll have a sequel by the time Trump leaves office.