Eggs, hats and ultimate ambition: What we learned about Melania Trump from her documentary | Melania

She has no friends except everyone who works on dresses like her

Melania seems to live a completely airless life, gliding alone around the gilded corridors in silence, David Lynch-style, watched by heavy lips. All her employees dress out of respect for her, mostly black, but sometimes — as in the case of her interior designer — in a matching camel-colored three-piece suit. Candidates interviewing for supporting roles also got the memo, lining up in a sea of ​​monochrome, with buttery hair and statement cross necklaces.

She hates anything loose

About 30% of the film is devoted to the high-stakes preparations for her inauguration outfits. “My creative vision is always clear, and it is my responsibility to share it with my team so they can bring it to reality,” Melania explains in the voiceover. This translates to her asking them to pin things down. “More tension, tighter,” she orders regarding the collar. The coat should come close to her hips. The hat’s brim is reprimanded as being “a little wobbly.” “I don’t know if we can cut it,” says a tailor’s assistant worried about the blouse, influenced by the tense violins on the soundtrack.

She is not interested in serving food

While we know that Melania is apparently in charge of everything related to the inauguration-adjacent concerts, we know nothing about the menu except for the fact that the appetizer at one of the parties will be a golden egg, placed in an egg cup, on a plate. The First Lady has no feedback on this — what it was put in, whether it was actually edible, or whether there was something next to it that might be pretty — other than to approve of its color. She never eats or drinks.

She is a talented interior designer

“It’s important that timeless elegance shines through in every item,” Melania shares of planning one party, while giving approval to invitations that are posted in giant red envelopes, much like an elementary school class might choose to send their lists all at once to Santa. Eager carpets are cleaned and furniture is steamed in the short window between Biden’s departure from the White House and the Trump family’s return. Further evidence of her expert touch comes in a glimpse of Renoir’s black-and-white La Loge, which occupies the wall of her office. It’s in print: the real thing is at the Courtauld Gallery in London.

She and Donald are very close

At one point, Melania placed her hand on her husband’s waist in a careful, meaningful gesture that was cinematic shorthand for “we’re still having sex.” Moviegoers can also witness their ongoing passion as Donald tries to negotiate her big hat and lean in to kiss her. “No one has endured what he has endured over the past few years,” she said in a sympathetic voice. But for most of the film, the couple is apart. He once called her to brag about some kind of massive local political victory. “Great, well done,” she says, similar to someone trying to get a cold caller off the line.

She and Baron are very close

Melania’s son does not utter a word in the film, but is seen in much of the final clip, bowing gently as if he were dressed as Igor. One time his proud parents were discussing him in the back of a limousine. “He’s nice, and we have nice conversations,” the president says. “Yes, I love him,” his mother reveals.

Her favorite artist is Michael Jackson

“I met him and Donald once,” she told the film’s director, Brett Ratner, in the back of a limousine on the way to Mar-a-Lago. “He was very nice, very nice.” Her favorite songs are Billie Jean and Thriller, she adds, before she and Ratner briefly sing along on the first song, like Carpool Karaoke on Highway to Hell.

It’s really at home in black

The 20 days shown in the film include a day spent at Jimmy Carter’s funeral and an afternoon at a memorial service at Arlington Cemetery. All coverage of the former is devoted entirely to contemplating the mourning of her mother, who died a year ago that day. It includes a very long scene in which she books up St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York so she can wander around in a private daydream, watched by petrified security guards and smiling priests. Meanwhile, at Arlington Cemetery, an unmistakably mafioso figure appears, striding in high-heeled boots beneath tall boots and nodding noticeably to strangers. The funniest thing you’ll have during Inauguration Day itself is when you’re walking through the crypt.

Amazon gets some of its financial value

Whatever profits and credibility they lose by distributing the film, Amazon chief Jeff Bezos appears in the film more times than his tech mogul counterparts. However, there’s support for Tim Cook too as Melania makes video calls about campaigning to limit children’s screen time on her MacBook Air (raised to eye level in a copy of her autobiography) and the Apple CEO himself, as well as Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk, all get face time.

Melania is not a politician

In addition to constantly referring to herself as a global leader, and making long address cards summarizing her accomplishments, Melania makes a number of dramatic statements about her ambitions for the position. These include a desire to “break all the norms,” ​​completely reinvent the role of first lady, and consider how lawmakers can do their jobs better — something she thinks about “constantly.” Judging by the kneeling around her, this selfie isn’t entirely unjustified. “I’ll go everywhere with you, no problem,” Brigitte Macron told her via video call, meaning politics, not sightseeing. Nor did Melania above include scathing shots of her husband’s ancestors: We see Barack Obama looking sadly at the inauguration, and Kamala Harris mardy checking her watch.

Melania will not revolutionize cinema

Expectations were high that the sum Melania paid herself ($28 million) not only for her role in the film, but for producing it and overseeing much of the post-production, including trailer and marketing, might lead to something new for an art form that struggles to showcase new voices. Unfortunately, such hopes will be dashed. Melania turns one of the most politically significant moments in modern history into a boring, exhausting, and frighteningly absurd biography. Ultimately, Melania says of Inauguration Day: “The day was so rich with meaning, and since every moment was historic and full of purpose, time no longer mattered.” It feels like a disclaimer for a movie that explains nothing of the first and seems to go on forever.