For $1 million, you could pay Bryan Johnson (or BryanAI?) to teach you how to live longer

It’s mid-February, and the air is dry. There are fine lines appearing on my forehead, perhaps because I don’t moisturize them enough, but perhaps as a harbinger of something greater: Every day I get closer to my death. Soon, I will be thirty years old. I will never be younger than I am now.

Brian Johnson, the fintech founder turned long-time educator, has an offer that caught my attention. For the low price of $1 million a year, I could pay him to show me the rules of the “exact protocol” he has followed for the past five years. The program is called “Immortals.”

Yes, a man who has received Botox injections in his genitals will teach me how to reverse the aging process. Why can’t I believe that Beran Johnson has revealed the secrets to living longer than anyone else? No, he has not yet proven that he can outlive all other humans. He was born in 1977, the year many current humans were born.

But why should I doubt the judgment of a man who fortified his constitution with the blood of his teenage son? When did the tech elite mislead us? Should I also wonder when Elon Musk says saving for retirement doesn’t matter because AGI will create economic abundance so great that no one will ever know poverty again?

According to Johnson’s post on X, this exclusive service — only three spots available! – It will include a “dedicated concierge team, BryanAI 24/7, extensive testing, millions of biological data points, continuous tracking, best-in-class skin and hair protocols, and access to the best treatments on the market.”

I could talk to the AI ​​version of a guy who live-streams himself doing a walk for “science?” Sign me up!

Except I can’t. Because I don’t have a million dollars. Those like me will have to settle for buying expensive Johnson’s Olive Oil in our quest for immortality (it’s peppery and smooth!)

My budding forehead wrinkles are exacerbated by the knowledge that Johnson will likely have an easy time filling those three million-dollar spots. Among the wealthy, longevity has become an increasingly hot target.

John Herring, who has given Musk billions of dollars in support, co-founded Biograph, which describes itself as a preventive health and diagnostics clinic. The most premium membership costs $15,000 per year (aside from Johnson’s offer, it seems like a good deal…almost). A similar startup, Fountain Life, has raised $108 million to fund its “ultimate longevity program,” which charges an annual fee of $21,500. Johnson’s program is certainly much more expensive, but remember there are only three places! And if you’re still not ready to pay seven figures, well, you can get into the mysterious “subsidized tier” for $60,000.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to live a longer, healthier life, but longevity influencers like Johnson take this to an unattainable extreme that is (as common sense would say) completely unnecessary for the average person.

In his defence, Johnson is not trying to convince us all to eat a hundred pills a day and live largely on boiled vegetables. But he also does not deny us the opportunity to make him richer in exchange for his “secrets”.