“I can’t hear Mariah Carey for the thousandth time!” Professional Santa Clauses on Their Favorite and Hated Christmas Songs | music

“A guinea pig dived into my beard.”

My dad was Santa Claus and my wife made me do it. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I turn on schools, universities, supermarkets, turn on the Christmas lights… As soon as Santa arrives, everyone melts. A little girl brought her guinea pig, which jumped out of her hand and dove straight into my Santa’s beard. The parents were in stitches as we tried to get him out. My favorite Christmas songs are Eartha Kitt’s rousing version of Santa Baby, because it gets all the adults in the mood to wake up and boogie with Santa, and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, because the lyrics are so pure. There are no Christmas songs that drive me crazy. It’s Christmas: they’re all great. Paul Vesey

“Spike Jonze is just so cheesy!”

I know I look the part. I wear the green Santa costume I used to wear before Coca-Cola turned it red and white to match their branding, but if I just put on a Christmas hat, people scream “Oi Santa!” In my face. Someone said I looked like a fat midget, which is fair enough. I’ve had a lot of funny incidents. One time I felt a tug on my beard, and I looked down, and there was a two-year-old hanging out of it. I work as Santa for the domestic violence charity IDAS, distributing donated gifts to child survivors. My favorite song is obvious: Do They Know It’s Christmas? Because Band Aid brought attention to global inequality. The song that drives me crazy is… [Spike Jones’s 1948 hit] All I want for Christmas is my front teeth. It’s just so cheesy. Really annoying! Arnold Warneken also known as Green Santa

“I’d rather hear a dirty Christmas song.”

I was teaching at a school for children with special educational needs and they asked me to be Santa Claus. I wasn’t sure how kids would handle a black Santa, so I created this fun character, Rasta Claus. The parents loved it – their children are labeled as ‘different’, so it made sense for them to have a ‘different’ Santa. A kid once said, “You’re not the real Santa,” so I told him I was Santa’s cousin and worked for him. He thought we were related because we both had white beards, and he couldn’t see skin color. I love the way children think. My favorite holiday songs are Baby It’s Cold Outside, Winter Wonderland, and When a Child Is Born. None of them mentioned Christmas but they couldn’t be more Christmassy. I’d rather hear something different than hear Mariah Carey for the umpteenth time – maybe an annoying Christmas song or a punk version of Silent Night. Cliff Freckleton aka Rasta Close

“I don’t like it when Santa gets stuck in the chimney for obvious reasons!”

To me, Santa is the spirit of Christmas. Families – especially those with children – are in awe, and you can feel the magic. It gets so hot in the costume, wig and beard. For the first hour, you feel really uncomfortable, and then your body starts to adjust. It’s always hard to go to the bathroom in a costume. Kids always want to tell you what they want for Christmas, even though you may get some funny requests. A four-year-old girl told me she wanted a reindeer. My favorite song is “Under the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson, because we did a choreographed dance to it at the Santa parade and all the families joined in. The song I can’t stand is When Santa Gets Stuck in the Chimney for Obvious Reasons But I’m Making Fun of It. I say: “It only happened once!” Joseph Ridgley

“Christmas packaging drives me bananas – even though it’s a complete earworm”

I was a science teacher but one day my daughter said: “Dad, your beard has turned white. You can play Santa Claus.” As soon as I put the outfit on I feel warm and fluffy inside. If children ask, “Is this beard real?” I pull it out and say, “It feels real to me.” On Boxing Day I have to trim my beard, otherwise I can’t get it off. My favorite song is Jingle Bells, believe it or not, because like Santa, it’s so fun and Christmasy. The songs that drive me crazy are things I’ve heard a lot, e.g [Slade’s] Noddy Holder shouts: “It’s Chriiiiiiiistmmmmassss!” The waitresses’ Christmas wrappings are driving me bananas – the singing leaves a lot to be desired, although I have to admit this riff is a complete earworm. Keith Leach

“Stop the Cavalry is a sincere call to stop all wars.”

My favorite Christmas song is “Stop the Cavalry” by Jonah Lewy because it’s bouncy, has a great brass middle part and is just a heartfelt plea to stop all wars. I don’t like Nat King Cole’s “The Little Boy That Santa Claus Forgot” because it’s too sad – the boy doesn’t have any parents, so he doesn’t get anything for Christmas. Being Santa can be heartbreaking – I had a child say to me, “I only get one gift but my friend gets 30. Does that mean I’m naughty?” – But it’s almost like a call. I went to see a little boy in the hospital who had been in a terrible accident. When we started talking, the room went silent and people started crying. Afterwards, I was confronted about the rugby problem by his mother and father, who said: “This is the first time he has spoken in six months.” This is the power of Santa. Nigel Harvey aka Santa himself

“Smile and bear Donny Osmond for the love of Christmas.”

I have a beard and wear braces. One day I was in a store and someone shouted, “Oi Santa!” A few days later, two men on bikes shouted the same thing. There must be something to this, I thought. So I became Santa. I have to be convincing because my grandfather came and said, “Thank you for the guitar you gave me when I was 12.” I love Doctor Who and I’m pretty sure Santa is a time master: lots of faces and the ability to ship to different places at different times. I’m a fan of classical music, so I’m very interested in Prokofiev’s Sleigh Ride. It was part of the experimental music commercial when BBC Two launched and I loved hearing it there. If you hear any of them too often, they’ll drive you crazy. As a child, I found Donny Osmond’s Christmas songs particularly poignant, but you smile and bear with them for the love of Christmas. Simon Anthony