It seems that many male movie stars don’t wear underpants. Haven’t they ever heard of #MeToo? Or accidents? | Jenny Bevan

CAnnie Bevan is a living legend in the world of cinema. The three-time Oscar-winning costume designer gave the Merchant Ivory films their distinctive look but was equally responsible for the visual assault of Mad Max: Fury Road.

In 2016, her decision to attend several award shows wearing funky outfits captured the zeitgeist twice; First when Stephen Fry called her the “bag lady” and she was forced off Twitter, and second when a video of Alejandro González Iñárritu glaring as she passed him went viral. In other words, Jenny Bevan can do whatever she wants.

And I did. In an interview with The Telegraph, Bevan decided to give us a peek into her working world, by revealing that actors don’t often wear trousers. “It’s amazing how many male actors don’t wear underwear,” she said. “I had to go out and buy them pants – not Calvin Klein or anything like that; I usually get them from Marx – otherwise they try to hide behind a chair and look a little embarrassed. I think, ‘For God’s sake, if I were going to go somewhere decent and try on second-hand clothes, I’d wear some pants.’

She has a point. Adapting costumes is an integral part of an actor’s job. Indeed, it is only during this process that many of them begin to understand the role they have agreed to play. So, with that in mind – if you know that a vital aspect of your career will involve taking your pants off in front of a respected department head – wouldn’t you try to remember to put on some underwear before leaving the house?

Especially in this day and age. The #MeToo movement has done wonders in the past eight years, highlighting the types of abuses of power that the industry was tolerating. And although dropping your pants to reveal that you’re wearing nothing underneath may rank fairly low on the scale of entertainment industry offenses, perpetrators still put fashion designers in a potentially embarrassing position. You would think that in today’s culture, where an exposed penis can end a career in the blink of an eye, everyone would frankly be too afraid to wear pants.

Moral outrage aside, why? Why give up underwear under any circumstances? Underwear is really helpful. It provides equal support and protection. Didn’t any of these actors have to break into an unexpected race? Testicular torsion is real, and in extreme cases it can lead to injuries so severe that removal is the only option. Are these actors so cavalier in their attitudes toward freely swinging genitals that they are willing to risk testicle amputation in pursuit of their preferred lifestyle?

Didn’t any of them have to escape the toilet before they could satisfactorily finish their post-wee orgasm? Did the DPD driver never knock on his front door while in the middle of the road? Didn’t the smoke alarm ever go off? Have they never heard their little boy scream, “Look, Daddy, knife!” From another room? You should assume no, because if any of these things happen, they will understand that the main benefit of the underwear is to act as a drip dryer. Underwear is often the only reason why men don’t walk around with little wet spots on their pants. Are the actors willing to give up on this? crazy.

Obviously the worst thing to do is to systematically analyze every project Jenny Bevan has worked on and try to figure out which actors she is referring to. This is a woman who has been in lucrative work for nearly half a century, and the list of actors she’s worked with is practically endless. She worked with Daniel Day-Lewis in A Room With a View, with Anthony Hopkins in The Remains of the Day, with Robert Downey Jr. in Sherlock Holmes, and with Frankie Howerd in HMS Pinafore. She could have been referring to any one of them – or none of them at all – but identities don’t really matter. Clearly, we’re in the midst of an epidemic of the actor who doesn’t wear pants. May God have mercy on their laundry.