Lena Dunham’s romantic movie ‘Too Much’ convinced me to propose immediately | culture

I’ve been with my partner Martin for 10 years, and he always tells me he doesn’t want to get married. He believes that the institution of marriage is a way for the state to control us. He also believes that marriage is inherently patriarchal – and frankly, I can’t argue with him about any of this.

But the truth is, I’ve been planning my entire wedding day in my mind since I was seven years old. When I was a kid, I loved daydreaming about adulthood, and a huge wedding was the most adult thing I could imagine. While the other kids were playing Pokemon, I was thinking specifically about how many tiki torches I wanted to light the way to the blessing party. I didn’t really imagine the groom. He was kind of a blurry Ken doll figure. My vision centered mainly around myself.

Despite all my childhood wedding planning, I had given up on the idea of ​​marriage — until I watched “Too Much,” the 2025 Netflix show from director Lena Dunham, about a loud-mouthed, messy American woman, Jessica (Meg Stalter), who is extremely intense and frequently displays poor judgment, such as being extravagant at a work party and stealing a soap dish.

Her love interest, Felix, played by Will Sharp, is flawed and difficult in his own right – but he is in love with Jessica in this stubborn, unquestioning way. This is my other big weakness. Time and time again – on screen and in real life – I love a man who falls in love with a slightly crazy woman.

I think this kind of story speaks to me because I see myself as the volatile, loud woman and Martin as the loyal partner who loves her anyway. Felix reminds me of Martin in other ways too. Having read Dunham’s autobiography, Monthly Sickness, she seems to like the cocky, independent boy. The kind of guy who can be found wearing a leather jacket, playing a small drum. Martin was wearing a skull-and-crossbones bandana the second time I met him, to cover up the love bites I’d given him the night before.

In the last episode of the show, the couple got married, and what struck me most about this wedding scene was the informality. The film takes place on the steps of a London town hall, and after the newlyweds have their first kiss, Felix turns to Jessica and says, “So, how long do you want to stay married?” I liked the way that joke lightened the tension of the moment. It also felt more romantic to me because it was honest. I like the idea of ​​choosing to be with the person you’re with all over again, every day, rather than believing that promises somehow limit you and dictate that you stay together forever.

I was watching the final episode alone at my parents’ house in London, and as the credits rolled I felt so overcome with love that I called Martin and proposed over the phone. My argument was basically: I love you more than these characters love each other on this TV show, so why don’t we get married too?

Martin hadn’t watched any of Too Much, so he was a bit confused, but I convinced him by promising him that I didn’t want to have the huge wedding I’d been planning since I was seven anymore. (Martin’s nightmare is being the center of attention, but I have to admit I like the idea.)

We can do it at my parents’ house. Or anywhere, really. We didn’t have to invite any guests. For all his talk of state-sponsored control and patriarchy, Martin is a very romantic indeed. He hates the concept of the big day, but he probably likes the idea of ​​a lifelong commitment more than I do. It took some convincing, but he said yes.

Martin and I are getting married next September in my parents’ kitchen. There will be no cake, no white dress, and no tiki torches. I keep trying to sneak more people onto the guest list and Martin keeps crossing them off. But there will be a wedding. I have Lena Dunham to thank for that.