My Cultural Awakening: “The Specials Helped Me Stop Focusing on Death” | culture

MActing anxious means I think about death a lot. But the deaths of a group of people I loved in 2023, most of them unexpectedly and within a few months of each other, was enough to rattle my nervous system significantly. Five funerals is too many. The first was my grandmother: she was the head of the family. The oldest person in the family, so there was a level of acceptance among the grieving. But soon after it was her son, then her granddaughter (my cousin). The last two things were shocks, completely upending my nervous system, and aggravating each other. From there, two more followed. Death was everywhere. It wasn’t just a part of life at that point, it was something that could be expected soon and often.

At first she seemed fine. Despite concerned friends and partners asking if I was hiding anything, I didn’t think I was. But I quickly gave up on the fun, becoming hyper-focused on things like my resting heart rate and body fat percentage. I’ve skipped social events to attend high-intensity interval training sessions followed by a sauna and then meditation – which isn’t a bad thing, but it’s not a balance either. I cut out caffeine, including dark chocolate. When I didn’t stick to my new routine, I would have a panic attack, which I assume was a heart attack, which could lead to recurring panic attacks.

I was suffering from grief-induced panic disorder, as well as a high dose of health anxiety. Something in my mind had thrown my nervous system into overdrive, leaving me to believe that impending disaster was around every corner; That I was always on a tightrope of death. Then, in the fourth awakening, a song emerged that was able to help me heal and reframe my entire world.

“Enjoy Yourself (It’s Later Than You Think)” is a song from the 1940s, later covered by The Specials – a band I listened to more than any other growing up. They helped me form my opinions on everything, from fashion to politics. For a two-tone ska band, this song is on the corny side – a nice extension away from the darker socially critical tracks like Rat Race or Ghost Town.

In fact, as an angsty teenager, this was the only song I didn’t like on the specials. But when it came, hearing the fun, raspy sound of the specials was enough to lift my spirits. As I continued to listen to the song, a minor switch flipped inside me. I realized I was living a life designed to be miserable and fearful. The chorus painted a better picture: “Years fly by, as soon as you wink your eyes / Have a good time, have a good time, it’s later than you think.”

Life doesn’t have to be serious all the time; It doesn’t have to be radical. The future doesn’t have to be the extreme version I fear. On a psychological level, the song was a mantra I used to get rid of the nervous vortexes and fixations that kept building up. He simply said “Enjoy yourself” – and I listened. I realized that life is precious and fleeting, and that I am wasting it.

At some point I tipped the scale too far in the other direction – I said yes to too much, stayed out too late, and definitely spent too much money – but that was better than being stuck in a cycle of doom. What’s even better is the balance I’m achieving now. Today, enjoying myself, in the song’s lyrics, means being in touch with myself and my needs. Say yes and say no. Don’t feel guilty about lying on the couch from time to time. My nature forces me to be disciplined and self-critical, and this song helps me let go. I have quit my jobs and moved to other countries since then. All in all, I regret it very little.

Has a cultural moment prompted you to make a major change in your life? Email us at culture.awakening@theguardian.com