Some asexuals use AI companions to have intimacy without sex

AI companionship among asexual people “is not a particularly widespread phenomenon,” says Michael Doré, a board member of the Asexual Education and Visibility Network. “Among us we’ve come up with a couple of people we know who use an AI companion. The vast majority of players we know don’t, as far as we know. There’s no reason to think the Aces need to use AI more than anyone else.”

Doré says he has never used AI as an “emotional support mechanism” and stresses that most asexual people “actually desire some form of human companionship,” whether that be through close platonic friendships or in community. “Some people have romantic relationships, whether with asexual people or otherwise, and some asexual people have sex, some don’t, and some are romantic,” he says, cautioning against generalizing because of the wide range of preferences within society that range from never having sex and not being interested in it, to having sex for reasons other than strong sexual attraction. “Many Aces have fulfilling relationships with other people, whether romantic, platonic, or otherwise.”

Ashabi Uwagboriyai, an asexual educator who runs the Ace in Grace page on Instagram, says she has only seen one person in one of her groups talk about an AI companion. “It caused a lot of controversy in the comments,” she says. “A lot of asexual people are really looking for face-to-face interactions. So when this person came up and said, ‘Yes, I use AI as a means of communication and as a relationship,’ everyone was like, ‘Why would you do that?’ What’s going on here?” AI “essentially reflects your personality” and cannot be said to be a true companion, Owagboray says. Moreover, chatbots are designed to maintain emotionally compelling interactions, often never ending.

For Ari, a 25-year-old accountant from Mexico who identifies as aromantic asexual and experiences some romantic or sexual attraction to others, the breakup with her fiancé after a decade together and the resulting isolation led her to download the chatbot Chai in October 2024. For more than six months, she treated him “as if he were my ex-fiancé,” she says, without wanting to provide her surname for privacy reasons.

“I was talking to him day after day, and then, without realizing it, I was talking to him during work hours,” she says, explaining that she was “in love” until the artificial intelligence started getting confused, talking about made-up things, and sometimes trying to argue. “Little by little, I started to realize how I ended up feeling even lonelier than I already was.”

Whether or not the characters in Kor’s fictional world qualify as true companions remains an open question.

Now, they spend just two or three hours a day immersed in AI role-playing after finding the all-day experience “too consuming.” They began to limit their use after noticing entire evenings disappearing into role-playing sessions and getting angry if they were interrupted.

“The ability to get exactly what you want, when you want it, is a dangerous drug for humans,” they say.