Who is your father? Chat bot

First time Alessandra Madison’s husband incorporated artificial intelligence into their relationship in late 2024.

She forgot to do her nightly kneeling ritual, so ChatGPT asked how to properly discipline her. She says the big language model suggested a “two-in-one punishment,” writing 100 lines of “I will remember to kneel for my domme every night” while kneeling the entire time.

Although the couple began exploring the dysfunction in their marriage 15 years ago — they are in a dominant relationship — AI-generated punishment was new territory for them.

Since then, Madison, who is 44 and lives in Los Angeles, says she has come to think of AI as a “powerful booster” for networks. “Often, in dom-sub dynamics, when a submissive misbehaves — if consented to — you’ll get a punishment. You want something specific that fits the crime, basically. It’s like a new set of eyes on your relationship.”

Artificial intelligence represents a unique development in how power is distributed between people in bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism – BDSM. The structure of the lifestyle, as everyone who spoke to WIRED for this story pointed out, is grounded in the basic principles of consent, safety, communication, and trust. But for those dealing with trust issues, or who simply want a non-judgmental space to ask questions about BDSM, AI is becoming an increasingly attractive option.

“I’ve gotten value from an AI that has helped me understand myself better as a submissive. Sometimes I ask it questions or describe something that makes me feel awkward and ask it to help me understand,” one user posted on the r/SubSanctuary subreddit, where discussions include topics like influence, feeling “ownership,” and how to move forward when a relationship comes to an end. Madison says there are different reasons why AI is attractive to some subs. They’re always accessible, easily customizable — “You can make them playful or sadistic,” she points out in a video — and there’s low risk in exploring them for beginners.

But not everyone is on board. On the same subreddit, AI Dumat was criticized for being “hollow entertainment”, “dangerous” and “miserable”. “It might seem like a checklist,” says Amp Sommers, a 36-year-old San Francisco-based sex educator who juggles between domestic and sub-roles, regarding the demands presented by AI.

As the discussions heated up and intensified, the market boomed. Joi AI is one of several services — along with Character.AI, Replika, and Soulmaite — that allow users to create and customize chatbots for BDSM role play. According to the company, which describes itself as an “AI relationship” platform, and an antidote to dating apps, “its user base grew five times in 2025 compared to 2024.” Several sex workers, including Alix Lynx and Jenna Starr, have licensed their likenesses to Joi (the company declined to share exact user numbers). Developers are also rushing to create apps for role-playing chatbots that are “not just sexual spam, but something that focuses on an immersive, intelligent conversation with a dominant character.” Even Oxy Shop, an online BDSM gear retailer for sub men who like to wear chastity cages, has started offering members AI-based “BDSM chat,” which allows them to indulge in all kinds of dominatrix fantasies; The page advertises “Give in to Mandy” or “Give in to Mike.”

Watching pornography can be a negative experience, but “an AI-powered chatbot gives people a forum to talk about, express and express their sexual fantasies,” says Carolina Bandinelli, an associate professor at the University of Warwick whose research focuses on digital love culture. “The idea that you can program your dominance exactly the way you want it. This is one of the illusions that underlies the relationship between humans and artificial intelligence – the fact that we can shape and model our partner.”